Jogger’s Nipple: The Day My Nips Betrayed Me

So there I was—King of the Sidewalk, Prince of the Pavement—out for what was supposed to be a quick 4-miler around the neighborhood. Birds chirping. Air crisp. Playlist set to Dad Rock Thunderstorm Deluxe (AC/DC and Def Leppard , obviously).

About mile two, I start feeling this slow burn across my chest.

At first, I think: “Okay, maybe it's the emotional power of this Phil Collins drum solo.”

By mile three? I’m gasping. I’m clutching my chest. I’m thinking: THIS IS IT.
I’m having a heart attack. My kids will grow up without their dad. Someone will find me on the sidewalk with my shirt soaked in pain and tears.

But no.

No, no, my friend…

It was not a heart attack.

It was Jogger’s Nipple.

What? Jogger’s nipple? Yes.
Turns out that old, scratchy, 100%-cotton “World’s Greatest Dad Bod” tee I was rocking had been sanding my nipples like a home improvement project for 35 straight minutes.

By the time I got home, I looked like I’d lost a fight with a cheese grater.

🩹 WHAT IS JOGGER’S NIPPLE?

For the blissfully unaware, jogger’s nipple (a.k.a. “runner’s nipple” or “The Chafe Awakens”) is when repeated friction from a shirt rubs your delicate chest cherries raw.
It’s more common than you think.
It’s painful.
And yes, it can bleed like a horror movie.

🔥 5 WAYS TO PROTECT THE NIPPLE KINGDOM:

Let’s armor up, fellow warriors. Because no one wants to explain to their child why daddy’s shirt has two mysterious red dots.

1. Ditch Cotton Like It’s a Toxic Ex

Cotton traps sweat and rubs like sandpaper. Invest in a moisture-wicking, synthetic, or performance fabric shirt. Your nips will throw you a parade.

2. Lube Those Buttons

Yep, you heard me. Body Glide, Vaseline, even anti-chafe sticks from running stores—rub 'em on pre-run like you’re marinating for a BBQ. This is the nipple prep ritual. Embrace it.

3. Band-Aid the Situation

Old-school runners swear by this: slap some Band-Aids or nipple covers on before you run. Do it with pride. Those are battle shields, baby.

4. Compression Shirts Are Your Friends

These tight-fitting beauties keep your shirt from moving around and turning into a friction monster. Think of them as nipple-hugging body armor.

5. Keep It Clean

Sweat, salt, and leftover shirt gunk can supercharge chafing. Wash your gear. Stay dry. Don’t let yesterday’s stink become tomorrow’s pain.

🎤 THE TAKEAWAY

Jogger’s nipple doesn’t care how cool your playlist is, how strong your stride is, or how motivational your socks are. It’s coming for you if you don’t prep.

So next time you head out, suit up like the legend you are. Glide it, tape it, upgrade your gear—and never again will you confuse a chafed nipple for a cardiac event.

Let my pain be your prophecy.

For more hilariously painful truths about running and parenting, swing by seedadrun.co.
We’ve got dad-powered wisdom, sweet merch, and zero tolerance for nipple trauma.

Keep running. Protect the chest. Be legendary. 🏃‍♂️🔥